He’ll always be Landycakes to me

From Urban Dictionary:

1.  Landycakes

A derogatory slang in reference to USA soccer star Landon Donovan and his reluctance/wusyness to not try and test his skills in more challenging leagues abroad.

     Landon Donovan, he’s America’s best soccer player, why is he still in the MLS?  Silly Landycakes. . .

When Donovan scored that thunderstrike three years ago in the World Cup against Slovenia, I swore that I would never refer to him as Landycakes again:

And when he scored near the end of the match a few days later against Algeria, the thought recurred:

A few weeks ago I was talking with the dad of one of Nate’s friends who also is a United and USMNT fan.  After discussing United at some length the discussion eventually, if not inevitably, turned toward the US team.  Before he gave his opinion on whether or not Donovan should be called in to the squad, I said something along the lines of “Donovan can go fuck himself, I hope he’s left off forever”.  His response was a boisterous “Thank you!”.

I’ve become so utterly exhausted by the US fanboy-ism that claims we need Donovan.  Fortunately the furor has died down a bit now that it’s clear the fanboys won’t be having their way, but a few weeks ago after it was made clear Donovan was left off the roster for the upcoming qualifying matches, the comments sections of US Soccer blogs was pretty ridiculous.  I wish I’d copied some of the comments, but most were along the lines of “He’s our best player and you have to allow your best players some leeway”.  Whatever.  That’s how you end up with a team like Manchester City.

There may have been a time when Donovan was the best US player, and it’s not even arguable to state that he was our most important and influential player in South Africa.  But after walking away from the sport for an indeterminate amount of time last autumn before returning this spring on his own terms, after the US had crucial matches and could have actually used him, I think it’s safe to say “Go fuck yourself Landycakes”.  Football  is a team sport and when players start making decisions regarding their availability it’s time for them to move on.

Imagine if DaMarcus Beasley, who’s been abused by USMNT fanboys for years, had declared himself ineligible for the squad for those matches.  We’d probably be up shit creek right now with little chance of cheering on our team in Brazil next summer.  Beasley didn’t exactly cover himself in glory at Azteca in the first half while playing out of position at left back, but he recovered and had a decent enough second half and the US walked away with a rather rare point at Azteca.  And where was Donovan while Beasley was busting his ass?  Oh right, he’d made himself unavailable at a time when injuries had decimated the squad and we had to rely on a 31-year-old playing out of position, though Beasley does seem pretty happy just helping the team out.


Come tomorrow night when the USMNT takes on Jamaica, it once again appears as if Beasley will be playing out of position at left back even despite the fact that our first choice left back is available (sure, Fabian Johnson will probably be playing in front of Beasley on the wing).  And where will Donovan be?  Presumably, and deservedly at this point, gearing up for a dull and nearly meaningless mid-season MLS match for the L.A. Galaxy, which is where he unfortunately spent the peak years of his career playing.  I’m completely unimpressed and unmoved at this point.  He’s no longer our best player (that title belongs to either of two players who clearly challenge themselves:  Bradley or Dempsey).  He’s no longer a leader (who in the dressing room would listen to him at this point?)   Nope, he’s like our own Carlos Tevez though a lot less ugly.  He’ll always be Landycakes to me.


2 thoughts on “He’ll always be Landycakes to me

    • If and whenLandycakes shows up against the likes of Germany and Spain I’ll stand corrected. Performing well against CONCACAF B-teams isn’t proving much of a point, other than he can perform well against much lesser competition in a low stakes tournament.

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