I miss my best friend

Credit to where it’s due – Erin’s body doesn’t do anything half-assed.  Moderate preclampsia turned to severe before she was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome, resulting in a C-section, which resulted in what has turned out to be a bit of a mixed bag.

Nate’s doing great, I love him with all my heart; Erin on the other hand isn’t doing too well.  Postpartum depression has taken the most positive and upbeat person I’ve known and turned her into someone else.  We’ve been together for 16 1/2 years now and there’s so much I’ve apparently taken for granted for way too long. 

For me I have Nate (and my mother who’s been an enormous help) to distract or pick my day up a little bit, but for Erin there’s nothing other than depression and guilt.

The good news (if there really is good news) is that UNC has an inpatient program for women suffering from this illness and we’re waiting to hear from them in the next or or so so that they can admit her and we can get her better again.

I’m not interested in talking with other people who’ve been through something similar but am open to sharing my experiences, so if I have the energy I’ll try and post about how things are going fairly regularly.  I know there’s little out there for the men who have to deal with this (not that I’ve really gone looking – and again, I’m not interested even if there is), so I figured I’d share my experiences.  Plus that way when people ask how things are going I don’t have to put up some macho bullshit facade and can just say “Things are going pretty fucking terrible, but thanks for asking”.

I’m a pretty strong person but this has no doubt been a difficult time.  And sorry to anyone who’s called (or who’s going to call me) and I haven’t returned your call.  Chances are I’m probably not going to for a little while.

Chin up though, because I’m thinking things are pretty fucking rock bottom that it’s got to be looking up here soon.